Today I feel grateful. Grateful for all the people in my life who put up with me. Who don't give up on me. And who continuously listen and support me, no matter how annoying/frustrating/tedious I get.

Day two. Watching The Biggest Loser. Remembering the feeling of euphoria that exercise can induce. Revelation of knowing that even though I feel so far away from the end goal. Um. Hello? It's all about the journey douchebag. Seriously. I think what I meant was that I feel far away from where I was in terms of eating and discipline, and feel as though if I have spun out of control in such an intense way (five day binge-fest), then it can easily happen again and that's an incredibly scary thought. I feel weak in terms of self control. Especially since I'm already planning things for my cheat day (should read meal) on Saturday. I've set myself some ground rules; no fructose and a maximum of 2000 calories. Anyway, back to The Biggest Loser revelation: if they had never begun, if they hadn't endured those first few torturous training sessions, they would never have gotten to where they are now, particularly in terms of experiencing that euphoric sensation, which means they would have just stayed in the same miserable pit they had been rotting in. It takes courage. It takes strength and perseverance. It takes getting through the good days and remembering that feeling when the bad days come. It takes getting up from the bad days and continuing on, even though one is angry and disappointed in one's self.

I super bad didn't want to go to work today. It is a new job and I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to be bored and start eating out of boredom. Which, in addition to the other emotional eating I do, is not something else I want to have to deal with. I want a fulfilling career damn it. I don't want to dread going to work because it's dull and tedious and unsatisfying and just thoroughly unenjoyable. Anyway. I went despite most of my person objecting to this act of obedience. Yes, it was a little boring but okay. My manager is lovely, which is another thing I am most grateful for.

Another big day tomorrow. Then a sleep in on Thursday and work in the afternoon. Then a big day on Friday. My next day off is Monday, which to be honest, is a little daunting. On the other hand, I do like being busy and feeling productive, and some of the shifts I have are only four hours, which helps a bits.  (The plural was on purpose by the way; just for all those grammar elitists out there.)

So today's happiness comes from sticking to my calorie goal. It comes from defying my 'headiness' and going to work anyway, and from not exercising excessively but instead doing some career work.

Yay for that.