11.32pm. Technically it's still day one. But just felt the urge to write again. Today has been comparatively good to what I thought it would be. I worked on some career stuff and made a choice that empowered me, as opposed to subjecting myself to something that I really didn't want to do. 

I do those things a lot. That being those things I don't want to do, but do them out of obligation or guilt. I'm tired of doing 'that.' It's crap. A complete waste of time and energy. And it causes all types of ramifications, such as the emotional stuffing down of feelings (binge/stress eating) and a ridiculous amount of worrying and stressing. I just realised I'm going on about this way too much and giving 'that' way too much sense of occasion. So, to summarise, today was good because I, one, empowered myself, and two, worked on my career, which is of utmost importance to me, particularly at this point in my life. 

Additionally, eating is back on track. I stuck to my calorie limit, went walking, and even though I'm hella angry at myself for the past five days. Speaking to a friend today who understands the whole binge thing was really helpful. She made me feel like I wasn't as alone as I truly feel. 

Even after the successful and positive things that happened today, I still get flashes of anger at the drama I've done. When I was doing so well. And then I stuffed it all up. Oh big flash of anger happening right now. But all I can do, as with any emotion is to ride the wave. Sit through it, without reaching for any exterior substance to numb the pain. To sit there, in it's heinous stench and wait for it to pass. Because it will. Pass. It will build, then break, then crash and then slowly roll away, leaving froth bubbles in it's wake. I love froth. Frothy cappuccinos are my utter and complete joy. Froth is good. Froth means that the pain is over. Froth represents winning. Froth means it's all good. 

So day one was good. And now it's over. Tomorrow I start a new job. I'm scared. It was one of the reasons I had my binge fest I think. I hate the unknown. I hate being bored. And as I stated above, I hate doing things I don't want to do. The other reason is quite personal and I think I need to keep it under wraps. 

So anyway. Day two. Brace thyself. Brace thyself.