To Be Connected Or Not To Be Connected...

Despite the fact that I've spent the evening with a wonderful friend and subsequently came home to a house full of people who wanted to engage in either serious conversation or comical banter, I felt a distinct need to be connected with the world. So where do I turn? Facebook.

*hangs head in shame*

I know, I know. Prying into the lives of others to feel a sense of participation in this world is not ideal. In fact it's a cop out. Facebook is a cop out. You see someone you haven't seen for yonks and inside your head is a flashing slideshow of all that's been happening in their lives for the elapsed time since you last saw them simply because you regularly check the newsfeed. So you ask them how they are, but in reality, you already know because you've seen it on Facebook, and then you have to act all surprised about the fact that they've bought a new car or recently become engaged or don't like the way their neighbours play music very loudly and early on a Saturday morning when they are trying to sleep. In. Don't want to do it. Act all surprised and crap. COP. OUT.

On the upside, Facebook is good for keeping in touch with friends who live overseas or for getting in touch with people you knew from yonder year. Other than these acceptable reasons, Facebook stands as a platform for annoying little bitchy witchy-poos who gave you hell at school (etcetera) to brag about their 'cooler than thou' existences. Think I'll pass. Thanks.

So why do I look to Facebook for connection? Is it simply because it's a live interaction with the occurrences of the now? Or is it to feel comforted by the fact that there are others out there struggling with the same things as I? Perhaps it is to feel warm from comments left on my wall, requests to catch up, or notifications regarding an invitation to an event. Is there an emotional void in my life? A lack of friendship or excitement, perhaps a longing to do as others do, to be included in certain things, to be part of a wild and colourful photo album of amazing pursuits. Why don't I just leave it all behind? Shut down my Facebook account. I could. But then I'd lose touch with some of the wonderful people I met in Sydney. People I didn't necessarily request a phone number from but were comfortable enough to give me access to what they do on a daily basis (see the irony?) Besides, just because you reject a social norm and become an anomaly, doesn't mean jack. Yep, I said it. Does not mean nothin' because you're missing out on the benefits all for the sake of proving a point. So as long as you can stomach the bitchy witchy-poos, you'll be right. And hey, whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

Enough with that. #inothernews

I've broken down. My month without junk has been violated. I feel disappointed in myself yes, however, I did manage to last two weeks (not consecutive weeks mind), and I feel proud of that. I've committed to starting again, and have been clean for three days now. Gosh that sounds pathetic. But, one day at a time, without too much forethought and obsession is the way to go. I'm learning everyday, struggling and triumphing, celebrating my wins, mourning my losses and having a jolly good laugh along the way.